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Home London Visitor Advice

Tips and Advice for Visitors and Tourists

When visiting London and the UK, it's going to be difficult to give generic advice that stands up for all-comers. That's millions of different people interacting with millions of different visitors, so rules are by no means hard and fast. This section is a rough, light-hearted guide to getting the most out of your stay.

Satire

(Click on the Thumbnail to 'pop-up' the photo. Click outside it - to close the photo)

The British like a bit of satire and general 'fun poking' - especially aimed at themselves or their own. Having travelled and lived abroad often, this isThe Massed Bands of the Household Division, playing the: "Colonel Bogey March" (arranged for Vuvuzela and Kazoo) not the norm. In fact laughing at yourself is a curious phenomenon, but an excellent antidote to creeping delusions of grandeur. In Germany, it's well known as the ("zee" sounds better) 'curious British sense of humour'. TV programmes such as Mock the Week, Have I got [Old] News for You and back in the eighties Spitting Image are/were hugely popular with the public. In fact many MPs were disappointed if they didn't warrant a puppet. With some even trying to acquire them after the show retired. Though, less enthusiastically when they discovered they'd have to pay for them at auction. I feel an expense claim coming on (yep. satire).

I think it's probably the key defining trait of the British. Laughing at yourself and pricking the bubble of self-pride, has always been in the national interest. It might not feel comfortable, though like Yoga - that's probably why it's so good for you. In the Georgian period, 'Punch' was the popular satirical magazine of the day and after 50 years, 'Private Eye' is still reliably, casting its beady eye over those in positions of authority.

Always highlight with an example. Here's some light, satirical relief - from the Inside Guide to London. Carry on.

 

 

The 'British'

The term 'British' is used extensively throughout this page and site. It can be a contentious term however, for every dozen Greenwich: passers by stop for a dance in Greenwich.people that couldn't care less, there'll be one bleating about being mis-represented. I'm using it as a contraction of 'British Isles' rather than Great Britiain, so it includes as opposed to discludes people. No demonym exists which appeals to everyone, and until one clearly does, I'll be using 'British'.

 

Talking to Strangers

If you're lost or not sure about something, don't hesitate to ask a Londoner for help or directions. With so many visitors, Photographer: on the South Bank in front of Hungerford and Jubilee bridges.the chances of asking another person on holiday is high, especially if you're outside Buckingham Palace. Londoners tend to walk quickly often not paying attention to their surroundings much (as natives in other cities do). It's also important to ask for help - 'could you help me please', the British mentality finds it hard to resist a direct request for assistance and the use of please and thank you etiquette, makes it near impossible. Contrary to reputation, they're not a shy or cold race, but really rather talkative. Shameless self-promotion and boasting are universally frowned upon, so a self-effacing attitude is the British norm. It's also considered better to let someone discover your hidden talents, than to tirelessly draw attention to them.

 

The British Class System

Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive... (or similarly, attempt to explain the 'class' system in Britain). If everyone belongs to it, you would naturally favour the views of your own class. Not always, say I, not always.The Lifeguards protect the most famous member of the upper classses - the Queen.

 

Very roughly - there are three classes - the upper, middle and working classes. In reality these days - the upper class is small, wields enormous financial clout, but has no relevance or popular influence over the masses. They're seen as anachronistic curiosities, by the majority of Brits. I'm sure in their own universe, they're rather significant and pretty, bloody, seriously, important, yah? - 'idle' rich is the popular street argot. You probably won't meet any if you visit London, they'll be at the country seat during peak tourist season.


 

Queuing

Queuing is not a British invention, you'll find it in every country in the world, bar none. The same protocols for queuing In a survey, queue barging was listed as Brits' highest rated, pet-peeve.apply here - only more so. Pushing in front, or cutting in line is a no-no. There are few things more likely to raise the ire of the British temperament than ignoring a queue and walking straight to the counter. The Brits like fair play - pushing in is an affront to this sensibility and it's unlikely to be tolerated.

 

International Codes

To call any number in the UK, from anywhere in the world, then take the '0' from the front and add the Chinatown: just north of Leicester Square has some good authentic produce in its supermarkets.international dialling code '44' in its place. So the number - (020 7654 3210) would become (44 20 7654 3210).

 

Kissing

Kissing and displays of affection. Hmm. Best not to French-kiss excessively in public, or grind bodies in a Traffic near Bond Street: Snog is another word for kissing, but with extra vigour.Royal Park - kissing, holding hands and all the rest are fine. It's not that the British are especially squeamish, or coy about kissing. It all comes back to the fact that they can't abide showing off. Get a room.

40 years ago the sight of people air-kissing-hello, well... people didn't do it (generally two is the requisite number in the UK - for balance - like). What am I saying? They didn't know how to do it. Sometime during the 1980s it entered the national psyche and stuck. Along with ready-meals, foreign holidays and 100 channel satellite TV.

Places where kissing passionately will be greeted as warmly as a turd in a swimming pool: public transport (it's difficult enough already), in the theatre (cinema generally ok) or in museums and art galleries.

 

Moaning

Brits love to moan, grumble and whinge. It's not so much that they want the problem fixed, as it's an excellent opportunity South Bank: Moaning is an opportunity to discuss the general feebleness of a system. Fixing it, would deny the pleasure of running it down, so bear this in mind.to point out how things could be handled much better (if they were running the show). If a bus is late, several silent Londoners will pitch up and engage in some mutual, grumbling banter. They may even start to enjoy themselves. Perhaps this makes little sense, but it's absolutely inbuilt at the genetic level - tutting, sighing, rolling the eyes, muttering and more sighing are all useful tools for running a system down.

 

Arguing

Is fun. Everyone does it, and although in most countries the purpose is to arrive at some kind of settlement or consensus, Piccadilly Circus: don't mistake the tendency to argue as an indication that the other party wants you to agree with them. Agreeing to disagree is fine.the British ideal is to all: 'agree to disagree'. They don't want it to end in a fight, so tolerating other peoples' views is an important character trait.

 

Bendy and Double-Decker Buses

Everyone loves double-deckers and hates bendy buses. It's fun sitting on an upper deck, looking down on people Routemaster Bus: still look cool 53 years after they were introduced.(physically and figuratively) and the other type take up twice the road space and are too difficult to overtake. One thing though, buy your bus ticket from the bus stop vending machine, although the driver will sell you one, they will only do so under extreme duress, with much whingeing. It's not worth the trouble.

 

Sexuality

Despite the reputation for frosty embarrassment and sexual incompetence, London and the British Isles The Gherkin: it's curiously phallic shape escaped few peoples' attention.are amongst the most densely populated places on Earth. Let's just say: they get by. In the UK it's about being 'up for it' - and you'll find a surprising number of people who are.

 
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