London's First Frost Fair
Later than usual, the weather in London is turning. Sometime during the night, the duvet is drawn tighter and the theatre of getting 
dressed in the morning is a noticeably swifter affair. It's December and although Jack Frost is nipping, 2010 saw the mercury plummet below -15C on the outskirts of London, so there's a marked appreciation that matters could be worse.
London has suffered extraordinary cold snaps over the centuries and the old London Bridge, with its broad starlings caused the river to run sluggishly. Periodically the Thames would freeze and Londoners, being the sensation seekers that they are, took to the ice in celebration. Embanking the Thames in the Victorian Era narrowed the width and increased the depth, tidal range and speed of flow, meaning its unlikely the river will freeze again in central London. Frost Fairs as they came to be known were usually brief, but the first was a drawn out and protracted affair. In order for the river to freeze, it had to be cold. Oh so desperately cold.
The Frost Fair of 1683-4
In December 1563, the Thames froze for a week and huge games of 'foot-ball' broke out on the ice, the kind with few rules and limitless players. Although short-lived, it set the tone for later, bitter winters. Instead of hiding away in misery, London came out to celebrate.
The first frost fair 'proper', was over a century later in 1683. It began with a severe drop in temperature at the beginning of December, The Thames froze rapidly and remained in that state until early February the following year 
(more than nine weeks). A 'road' crossed the river from Temple Steps to Southwark and carts opted for this faster route over the ice. Within days, booths and stalls had sprung up either side of the road (named 'Temple Street' by the crowds) to take advantage of the passing trade.
They sold "...cloaths, plate, earthenware, meat, drink, brandy, tobacco, and a hundred sorts of commodities not here inserted: it being the wonder of this present age and a great consternation to all the spectators..." It was initially known as 'Blanket Fair' and soon new kinds of opportunities presented themselves to Restoration entrepreneurs.
Dray carts, were converted for ice travel, boats with full sail were adapted for crude ice yachting, offering a novel passage across and along the Thames. "Gallants in the fashionable dresses of the day are promenading, with wigs and swords; while the ladies, true to the instinct of their sex, are 'shopping' briskly." Meats were roasted and temporary taverns such as 'The Beare Garden' were full to capacity, as the break in routine was fully exploited.
"Kind master, drink you beer, or ale, or brandy;
Walk in, kind sir, this booth it is the chief,
We'll entertain you with a slice of beef.'
Another cries, 'Here, master, they but scoff ye;
Here is a dish of famous new-made coffee."
These 'commemorative verses' were composed, then printed on the ice and sold to the public as novelty keepsakes. Many have survived, such as the following:
"Where men the Art of Printing seem to know:
Where, for a Teaster, you may have your name
Printed, hereafter for to shew the same;
And sure, in former ages, ne'er was found
A Press to Print where men so oft were drown'd!"
It was beyond cold. In late January there was a brief thaw, then refreezing as the frost returned with a vengeance. The air above the city was so chilly that smoke was unable to disperse, causing a choking smog to fan out over the crisp, white city. John Evelyn writes:
London, by reason of the excessive coldness of the aire hindering the ascent of the smoke, was so fill'd with this fuliginous steame of the sea-coale, that hardly could one see across the streetes; and this filling the lungs with its gross particles, exceedingly obstructed the breath, so as no one could scarcely breathe.
He also saw the following on his trip over the icy Thames: "...after dinner came a fellow who ate live charcoal, glowingly ignited, quenching them in his mouth, and then champing and swallowing them down. There was also a dog which seemed to do many rational actions."
A Royal Visitor
On January 31st 1684, The King, Charles II, visited the frost fair with his royal party. He too, was not immune to the novelty 
of having his name printed 'on the ice'. There is a printing sample containing his name, his brother's, the Duke of York, his wife's, the Portuguese Infanta and several other notables. In fact he was so taken with the 'spirit' on the ice, that he joined a fox-hunt and according to a French magazine, spent the entire night thundering across the Thames on horseback (it tends to be called 'Dunkirk spirit' these days, but smiling at adversity in Britain stretches back millennia).
Charles also roasted a whole ox at Whitehall Palace, beside the Thames and spent the day tearing at hunks of meat, while watching events unfold. It was the 35th year of his reign and perhaps his eccentricity was to blame, but being swept along by spectacle and drama was it seems, common to all stations of society. The thaw came in early February and within two days, the booths, pits and printers had retreated. There were two dozen further frost fairs over the next three centuries, but the 1683 frost fair was the 'template' for all those that followed. A later 'ice-printer' as they were known, produced the following commemorative verse, which correctly pitched the mood. For now at least - the party was over.
"Whereas, you, J. Frost, have by force and violence taken possession of the River Thames, I hereby give you warning to quit immediately.—A. Thaw."
2010 was the coldest December since records began in 1890 and upstream, parts of the Thames once again froze. No spontaneous frost fairs were reported. Shame.
