The Telegraph - New Cross
If you find yourself near New Cross and need to fill a few vacant hours, then choice will be limited. 'The Telegraph at the Earl of Derby', should make the top of any shortlist. Not wishing to over-inflate areas of London because they've become familiar, there are in all honesty, some truly bleak neighbourhoods round here. If you approach Dennett's Road from the north, then an aversion to council estates could cause you to bail for the nearest Tube (there isn't one incidentally - it's rail, Overground or bus). Resist though. There's more harmony in the area, than surface glances suggest.
Further south in Brockley, The Brockley Barge is not only a contender for 'cheapest pub in London', but also the most diverse: all ages, backgrounds, 
professions and ethnicities. The kind of place a London Mayor on the election trail might nervously sip a pint: blinded by flashgun fireworks. The Telegraph is a more genteel prospect. Approaching from the south after a visit to Telegraph Hill Park, and descending through the sturdy Victorian housing stock, you'd be forgiven for thinking you'd strayed into a Hampstead suburb. The Telegraph Hill enclave doesn't consider itself New Cross and the division is reminiscent of the popular South Coast retort: "You from Brighton?" "No... Hove, actually."
The Earl of Derby was closed for several years after serving as a destination pub for Millwall supporters during the 70s and 80s (it appears in old match programmes). A brief flirtation with re-badging as a 'stripper pub', was dropped when local residents drew battle-lines. Since reopening, its takeover by a mini-chain has pitched it as a smart local pub, which serves upmarket food. Not a gastropub, it's more of a fine juggling act where informality and prices are just the right side of reasonable, to warrant regular visits.
The Telegraph bar is spacious and traditional, with hand pumped ales and a juke-box. Which is also free. While you're over there choosing something appropriate to mark your entrance, you might notice the games, newspapers and magazines. It's a minor point, but when visiting somewhere on your own or arranging to meet others, it's a miserable experience glancing round a bar while you wait. Or worse, fiddling with a phone. Browsing magazines, or flipping through a paper kills time, and also encourages spontaneous diversions on the way home from work.
A few moans about the settles being uncomfortable and the scraping chairs requiring rubber, 
but minor stuff. The food was quick, filling and tasty - excellent meaty fries (twice-fried), on point salmon and surprisingly adept risotto with a texture confirming it was cooked to order. There was a live band that night, as there commonly is. The conversation cranks up above the music, creating a lively atmosphere, rather than hectic.
Professional couples, students, a pissed old geezer with no teeth, musos (one in a beret, ho-ho), nurses: all strata of life, and friendly too. This may cause some to steeple their hands and gravely contemplate such un-London-like traits. Hip locals that don't mind 'unknown-quantities' stopping by, whatever next? Relocated to the West End, someone busy with a call-centre headset would be marshalling a queue, but we're in the Peckham, New Cross, Telegraph Hill triangle. Planes could ditch without trace here, so they're grateful for the business.
Even if your chances of being in the area remain slim, keep The Telegraph (at the Earl of Derby, etc.) in your back pocket. It doesn't own a website, create a social media buzz, or trouble online pub guides with its details. However, it not only exists, but also belongs to the most select and rarest group of pubs in London: those which under-promise and over-deliver.
(Footnote: to paraphrase the popular YouTube insult, these images were not 'recorded with a potato'. Only a Blackberry was available and it struggled with the conditions. Sorry about that.)
The Telegraph at the Earl of Derby, 87 Dennett's Road, New Cross, London, SE14 5LW.
Call: 020 7207 3449
Nearest Tube: Nunhead Rail, Queen's Road Peckham Rail, New Cross Gate (Overground)
